Went to Walmart with all three of my kids. Why do I torture myself every single month like this? They weren't particularly bad this time, but whenever we approach the checkout stand I see it, and I start to sweat. I visualize an ancient Mayan Gauntlet Run and take a deep breathe. Here we go... Noah is climbing out of the basket because I ALWAYS manage to get the cart with a faulty buckle, Niko is fingering all the candy and trying to sneak it up on to the conveyor belt, Genevieve keeps wondering towards the double doors. Me, loading the conveyor belt, "Genevieve come here right now! Niko put that candy down and don't touch anything, Noah sit down!" Noah screaming, I think everyone in the store has stopped shopping to look at the display that is my family on check out stand three. "Niko don't do that!" Too late, knocks his head into the metal bar on the plastic bag caddy. Crying, loudly. Genevieve wandering around the corner, Noah now standing up in the cart, me digging through my amazon jungle of purse looking for my cash. I picture the check out lady reach out to strangle me, I almost welcome the embrace. Hah, found it! Pass it off, load the groceries, Noah now screaming, Genevieve and Niko brawling, sweat dripping down my brow creating a puddle at my feet. Make it to the double doors, I can see the parking lot, relief starting to sweep over me, but no, fate isn't so kind. Security alarm sets off, bouncer at the door drags me back in, while Genevieve continues to take off out the doors. "Genevieve, get back here!"

Mean Walmart lady, "let me just dig through here and see what is going off." Both kids trying to knock over the spinning money can for kids without a home. Noah struggling to get out of the cart, despite his best efforts, me struggling to keep him from shrieking like a cat in distress, lady still digging, finally finds it. Niko and Genevieve fighting again. This time Niko pulls her hair and Genevieve shrieks and pushes him down. Sweet. Grab both by their arms, make them hold onto the cart. Crazy Lady who must be enjoying this, finds it, I am now 75 years old and my hair is falling out from the stress. Lady who I now know must be the Goddess of War, removes the security tag and asks to see my receipt , I restrain myself from slapping her in the face and hand it over. All good, all is go, out the door, with a grim look on my face. Another lady outside begging for donations to children without homes, takes one look at me and says God Bless you! Laugh ironically, throw my kids into the car, drive home in silence. Niko says, "Mom, I think I am going to take a nap today."

I replie, "We are all taking naps today! Or else!"